Chaos Manifest

Can you not see that I know how fucked up I am, do not all my actions show me protecting the innocent from the chaos that's in my general makeup? I'll push everyone away if I have to, especially the ones that no longer reach for me when they find me in a darkened corner, begging for a short reprieve.  Those that make me feel I no longer deserve their love, but still expect it from me will find it much harder to squeeze blood from an empty shell. They will never realize that they aren't the only ones hurting, it's apparent they have numbed themselves against my suffering. I have attempted many times to balance my nature with my mundanity, but it leads to nothing but pain and misunderstanding. I am chaos reborn, I will revel in it and I will live the way the currents take me.